January 2, 2026 – As we dust off this 2012 gem from the archives, we pause to honor Andrey Price, the visionary firebrand whose life was a whirlwind of unyielding passion for truth and justice. Andrey, pictured here in his signature defiant pose, lived a life dedicated to exposing the shadows—battling exotic abuses inflicted on the public through shadowy tech, mind games, and global machinations. As a couple and a tight-knit group, we were rigorously invigorated by his unbreakable spirit, channeling our collective fury into a crusade against these insidious forces. It was Andrey's spark that launched The Garlic, our indie satire powerhouse, designed to embody the exotic absurdities of our world with a razor-sharp satirical tone. Though he's gone, his legacy fuels our fight—because in a world of conspiracies, laughter is the ultimate weapon. Rest in power, Andrey.

MASSES IN THE STREETS, MK-GARLIC REACTS CALMLY TO EVEN DEEPER CONSPIRACY

Originally published in 2012, re-imagined:

In this era of quantum surveillance hysteria—where even your smart fridge is probably snitching—sales of ancient typewriters are exploding off thrift store shelves faster than you can say "data breach." Office supply chains are scrambling, only to discover the last typewriter ribbons are drier than a politician's promise. Cue the mass panic: crowds surging through streets, clutching vintage Olivers like lifelines. But here at MK-Garlic, we're unflappable. We've long known our eyeballs are laced with spy neural nano-bots, courtesy of those ever-present chemtrails. Ribbons? Pfft. We type with invisible ink—lemon juice, baby—because why not add a citrus twist to counter-espionage?

Zoom out to the grand cosmic farce, though, and the real villains emerge: intellectually superior cockroaches burrowed deep in Earth's core, plotting a surface takeover via human-pawned nuclear apocalypse. Dreadsen—our intrepid investigator, as captured in that redacted video clip—is hot on their trails, mapping their lairs to squash this menace. It's all in service of preserving life above ground, including a nod to our extraterrestrial pals who kindly spare us humans for the promised era of enlightenment, endless abundance, and free energy (batteries not included).

Alas, these roaches still have humanity in their greasy grip. But fear not—MK-Garlic is on the case, wielding our psychic prowess to beam boric acid straight through mind waves, triangulating their hideouts for total borification. Our century-old master plan? Sneaking borax into laundry detergents, then flushing it sewer-bound to infiltrate their underworld. Spoiler: Zero results. Diplomacy? Forget it—these bugs lack empathy circuits, not even for their own scuttling kin. They've gaslit us for 10,000 years with faux compassion, but thanks to 19th- and 20th-century psych breakthroughs, we've clocked them as pure sociopaths. No mercy for the merciless.

Join the resistance at MK-Garlic with our cutting-edge gadget: The NSA-Proof Typewriter (now with quantum lemon encryption). Swing by our HQ or a Que4 event and anonymously scribble your wildest rants. Because in Andrey's memory, we're not just typing—we're typing back at the abyss.

By Dr. Nothing :: Communication Art
Disclaimer: This is fictional humor that may or may not mirror your wildest fever dreams. But hey, the typewriter's open to all at MK-Garlic—come spill the invisible ink.